Metaforic dream

The dream. The one that felt so real. It was not just a dream.
It was a sign to let me know the hardest part is over.
It was a sign that I can now look back and think... "Now that was scary!",
But I made it. And although it still hurts, I'll get through.

I don't know what you believe, but I believe the universe or
God or whatever you want to call it gives us tiny signs in different ways.
For example through dreams, through people, even a silly horoscope
or some pop-up or quote on the internet.

And although it might sound silly.
The day I decided to let go, my horoscope in a random paper read that exact situation.
And you know sometimes you've know for weeks that you have to let go.
But you're just not ready for it.

But I'm glad I realised it.
I can now walk away knowing that it will only get better from here on out.
Only when you realise you have no choice but to go through it and that you really HAVE to.
You realise that you CAN! And when you realise you can, You should!

Sure you'll have some weak moments, but like a friend of my said:
"You have to jump in with both feet"!
And realise you didn't make this decision out of the blue!
And by making the decision in itself you are stronger than you think.

The dream

So a few days ago I was trying to fall asleep during a daytime nap.
The night before i hadn't slept well and I like sleeping too much to let it go.
I was disappointed to find out that falling a sleep was becoming an issue. But I just HAD to sleep.
My heart was beating slightly faster than usual. And all of sudden

I find myself strapped in a rollercoaster!
First thing that came to mind was: "how did i get here?!"
It felt so real I thought it couldn't have been a dream, I must of skipped time or something.
Second thing that came to mind "shit I don't want to go on this ride at all!!".

Fear came rushing in, my pulse got  faster and faster. I was soo scared.
I realised I had to go through it and that it was too late to get out
and so I strapped my belt or the safety thing even tighter.
And we started making speed, going up in turn and a loop and another loop.

Wind rushing through my hair. I was sitting so uncomfortable!
All kinds of twists and turns, up and down. But then we started ascending...
Going up higher and higher at a way to slow pace.
I knew what was coming and I was scared as f*ck.

We had reached the top...
One moment of silence, only my thoughts and my heartbeat.
Not a single breeze of wind, no one to help.
Complete silence.
3

2

1

A loud noise! And I fall. Gravity doing what it's supposed to do.
It's an uncomfortable fall, but one that could not.be avoided.
And I continued being afraid, but with a bit more strength.
Knowing that the worst was over.

And it was.
We drove to the end of the ride.
I stepped off and for some reason put on my shoes. (Don't know why I'd go on a ride without them?!)
As i get ready to leave I feel something in the palm of my hand.

When I look it's a wound, a cut.
And it's bleeding. It stings.
But I decide to keep moving forward.
DINGDINGDINGDING

My alarm goes of.
And I start coming to, realising it was just a dream.
With fear still in my heart I wake up and
Continue living in the real world.

I choose...

Today I choose me.

Today I choose to be strong.

Today I choose to be independent.

My heart is width open.

My heart is in fear. 

My heart is aching.

For I do not know what is next.

I do not know how to be without you.

I do not know how to be alone.

But I have to and I will.

I will survive and,

I will be strong.

Even if it takes forever,

I'll take it day by day and

I'll make it through the rain <3

Those Brief moments

Although I only met you briefly

You have left an imprint on my heart

I think of you now and then

And it brings me joy to the heart

A warm feeling comes over me

It saddens me that we could not spend more time

I would have loved to talk to you for hours and hours,

Sit on a terrace in the sun, with a drink,

Take a sailing trip,

Enjoy the small things in life

But all this would of and could of

Is only wishful thinking

For you are long gone

And although you are now out of our world

I hope we meet again…

Even if…It is just briefly

That four letter word makes you do stupid things.

That four letter word... L..O..V..E.
Unless you've felt it, you can't imagine it. Unless you've been there, you cannot understand it.
Love makes you do crazy things. Sometimes stupid crazy things.
We'd do anything to feel loved once we know how it can feel.

We even do things we said we would never do.
Sometimes when all is on your side, love can make you strong. 
When all the ingredients, well most, are in the pot, magic happens.
Ingredients like trust, respect, honesty, loyalty, space etc.

But when a few of these aspects are missing and are accompanied by negative emotions...
Love can lead to stress and crazy decisions. 
Combine love with distrust, fear, insecurity, pain (which is inevitable) 
and you create the perfect recipe for disaster.

You start doing things that you never did before.
Checking if everything your significant other say checks out. 
Asking to many questions. Wanting confirmation that he/she cares every second.
Always thinking the worst and imagining the most silliest stories ever!
Just waiting for him/her to fail.

STOP!
Basically, you are smothering the one you love so much.
You know it has to stop, but you just can't help yourself. 
Because you just need that confirmation, you just need that love back.

It's such an addiction...
And like any other addiction it only causes stress.
And with stress comes that longing of confirmation to lower the stress.
A vicious circle. 

How to get out?
Letting go I guess.
One of the hardest decisions to make in life is letting go.
Maybe not a decision you'll make fast, but one that should linger in the back of your mind.
I'm sure there will be more signs that will lead you to making the right decision.

Ow love...such a complicated thing.

Just Follow Your Heart...Maybe not so easy?

I think we are all familiar with these four words.
They are so easily said. And especially when having to make though decisions.

But what in fact, is following your heart?
Do you go with what you feel? Do you go with your gut? Or do you go with what's most logic?

I am sure I won't be able to answer all the questions I ask. Everyone experiences things differently and has another view on life. So there probably isn't a right or wrong answer.
But I would like to hear what you think about it.

A few days ago I came across a pretty interesting explanation for "following your heart". And I must say that I agree with this person that I do not know.

" I think ‘following your heart’ is more about following your intuition rather than your emotions. 
Emotions don’t originate in the heart, but are simply experienced through the heart. However, the heart IS the seat of your intuition.
Emotions, in contrast to intuition, are basically an inner reaction TO things that transpire in/outside yourself. Whereas intuition is more a form of inner guidance. So you could follow your heart without being all wrapped up in your emotions. In other words, the two are not synonymous with each other."

Intuition he says. Although this all makes perfect sense...
How do you know it is your intuition speaking?  How do you know for sure your emotions aren't clouding your intuition like they can cloud your judgement? How do we distinguish emotion from intuition? 

Until recently i haven't had the need to ask myself these questions. When going through difficult periods in your life, when everything is a mess and you start doubting yourself you start wondering what is and what isn't.

Sometimes the difference between emotion and intuition is quite clear. For example when going left or right. The first thing that comes to mind, is your intuition speaking. Or when you meet a new person and have an uneasy feeling about them, it is usually your intuition. 

What in fact is intuition?

According to the wiktionary: 

Intuition (plural intuitions):

1. Immediate cognition (the process of knowing) without the use of conscious rational processes.
2. A perceptive insight gained by the use of this faculty.

I am referring to the first explanation. Seems reasonable right? But...

Our heart and mind and with that are emotions are well connected. 

It is because of this that our intuition is not always in reach.

We as humans think to much and are guided mostly by our emotions.

Emotions such as love, fear, anger and pain can cloud our judgement very much so.

For instance women who love so immensely that they accept everything from they're significant other and justify it with love. Or with the fear of losing love. They too feel they are following their heart. While they might be following their emotions or are afraid of the pain they'll have to go through.

And our mind? Usually follows logic. While what we feel doesn't have to be logical at all.

I think that only by balancing out all three aspects that we can use it to our advantage. Meaning that neither one of our emotions, thoughts or intuitions must outweigh the other.

And this can only be thought through life experiences.

For before this I had no idea I was following logic to much, while leaving what I feel in the dark. And my intuition? I thought what my heart felt and intuition were one and the same. 

I decided to ignore it. 

The two rings above are Logic and Emotion,
while the ring below is Intuition.

But only through making mistakes we can truly learn what is right and wrong. And how to find balance in life.

Life isn't black or white!

So follow your heart right?
Hihi maybe not so easy after all...